Just Leave Me Alone

When is it a crime to simply "disappear" without a trace and not let anyone know where you've gone? No, this is not another "Runaway Bride" story, though her case is relevant. When Jennifer Wilbanks disappeared, she didn't just run away. She gave police a fake story of kidnapping and sexual assault which sent them on a massive manhunt for the bad guys. But what would have happened to Jennifer if she'd just gone to Arizona, never called anyone, and never shown up again?

That case played out in a very similar fashion in the story of Brandi Stahr. In 1998, following an argument with her parents which resulted in their cutting off her college tuition money, the sophomore simply disappeared one day. In a short time, her parents were in a panic and the police were looking everywhere, suspecting she may have been kidnapped, assaulted, or worse. That was seven years ago, and they had never heard from her since.

Suddenly, this week, she turned up in Kentucky where she had been working at a Sam's Club for the last five years using her own real name, Social Security number, etc. The police didn't have access to the IRS database information, though, so they never found her through employment records. A tip from a friend led them to her.

So... did Brandi do anything wrong? Should she be taken to court for the cost of the police work which went into looking for her all this time? Some people may think so, but I don't. And apparently the law agrees.

Although Stahr committed no crime in her disappearance, investigators spent a lot of money and time looking for her, Malinak said.

"The responsible thing to do would have been to let someone know you're OK," Malinak said. "There are going to be people expending man-hours and effort, trying to find a missing person."

Yes, it certainly would have been the responsible thing to do. But you can't always legislate people's lives to force them to do the responsible thing in all situations. The police made the (correct) decision to search for Brandi and her theoretical abductors, but the girl just wanted to break things off with her family, leave home and not be found. She has warned her family not to bother coming out to see her, but they don't seem to be listening.

Dickenson [the woman's mother] and Stahr haven't reunited yet, but have talked on the phone. Stahr told her sister the family should not bother visiting, but her mother said nothing will stop her.

"We're going. I'm going. Even if I have to sit out in a (Sam's Club) parking lot to see her," Dickenson said.

People have a right to privacy, don't they? She was an adult at the time she left, so there's really nothing which would compel her to communicate with her family. There is already talk online of how this woman should be taken to court like the runaway bride was, but it's a very different story. She didn't make any false claims to police or instigate any activity on her behalf. Her parents did all that, though they certainly did it out of concern for her welfare, and not some selfish motive.

It's probably time to leave Brandi Stahr the hell alone and let her live the life she's chosen in Kentucky. (We will not sink low enough as to ask why the hell she picked that state to live in.)