We're keeping the money, so shut up.

Today's story comes to us from Wyoming, where the deer and the antelope play. Apparently some people think they might start playing with WMD's. Stateline.org landed an interview with Joe Moore, the head of the Wyoming Office of Homeland Security. As you probably know, Wyoming has become the focal point of national criticism concerning how federal homeland security dollars are distributed, as they have the smallest per capita population of all the fifty states, probably the least high profile potential terrorist targets, and receive the most homeland security money per person in the nation. ($27.80 compared with, for example, $8.05 in California.)

Good ole' boy Joe, however, thinks that people have really got the story all wrong. Wyoming, he says, needs all of that cash just as much as anyone else, if not more. Why, you may ask? I'll let Mr. Moore explain.

Moore contended that homeland security grants are meant not just for fighting terrorists but also for dealing with man-made and natural disasters. With towns so widely separated in his state of 98,000 square miles and roads subject to closure in frequent extreme weather, Moore said local first responders in each community need to be fully equipped and able to act in emergencies without outside assistance.

Wyoming may not have world-class skyscrapers or ports, but Moore pointed to miles of highways and railway lines carrying hazardous materials. In addition, although the state’s population of 500,000 may be small, Moore noted that Wyoming gets millions of tourists to national parks each year and houses national treasures in Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Park, home of the famous Old Faithful geyser.

Now I'm not saying it's entirely impossible that some crazed terrorist might wander up to the mountains and strap a load of dynamite to an elk, but... come on. Do you really picture one of Osama bin Forgotten's buddies trying to blow up a geyser?

And where exactly did he get the impression that these federal tax dollars for homeland security were supposed to be used to take care of natural and man made disasters. Has he ever heard of Federal Emergency Management Assistance? (FEMA) When you have a natural disaster, the government already has mechanisms in place to assist you.

Now, Joe's no fool. The system is currently set up to favor Wyoming heavily, and he'd be crazy not to cash in while he can. But this is a pretty lame rationalization for it. He would likely be better off just staying quiet and cashing the checks.

Stateline.org:In terms of landmarks and critical infrastructure, what are some of the specific homeland security threats that Wyoming faces?

Moore: ... We have an agricultural concern because of the cattle. We have a lot of cattle stations that provide cattle throughout the United States. We have those state and federal parks, such as Yellowstone, Grand Teton, which have a lot of travelers and visitors.

Those terrorist bastards. Even I couldn't have thought up anything that devious. OH MY GOD! THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW UP THE COWS!