Let's just get the hell out of Israel and Palestine, shall we?

By now you've probably been swamped with news and opinions about the Palestinian elections and how their people chose Hamas as their government. Too bad. You're getting mine, too. And this is a rare day, because I don't often comment on "the troubles" over there. Why? I'm not sure, but probably because my opinions are so far out of step with my co-authors at Running Scared. (At least some of them, anyway.) In fact, Tami has already chimed in with her opinion on the election results, which basically boil down to her considering the possibility of just killing them all and starting over. (And if you knew Tami like I do, you'd know just how shocking that opinion is, coming from her.) Mu, as well, commented on the "victory for democracy" in Palestine. (Don't worry... he was being ironic. Or at least I think so.)

I think that these election results truly do represent a sea change. While some notable hawks are already slathering to let slip the dogs of war, and others are wringing their hands in dismay, I think that these elections just might signal that the time has come for the United States to do what I've been advocating for years.

It's Time For the United States to
GET THE HELL OUT OF ISRAEL AND PALESTINE

There. I said it. Hate me if you wish, but I have my reasons. This election is going to lead to more warfare and - excuse me for pointing this out - we're really stocked up well enough on wars at the moment, thankyouverymuch. How long have we been propping up Israel, and do they really need it? I mean, try to apply a little unemotional logic to these questions, would you please? We've been the "big brother" over there for my entire life, threatening the other school bullies should they dare pick on our younger sibling. We have dumped military might into Israel on a scale never seen with any other country. They have warplanes, missiles, land vehicles, bombs, tanks... you name it, all one generation behind our best equipment. And while I've never seen it confirmed officially, it seems to be an open secret in Washington that, at some point, we gave them NUKES! How much more are we supposed to do?

And it's not like it's winning us any friends. I hear many progressives correctly decry our activities in Iraq as hurting us with our former and potential global allies. What about Israel? Do you think that's making us popular? And I don't just mean on the Arab Street, either. Take a look at the history of the United Nations in the last half century. Who has the biggest record for using vetoes on the Security Council? Russia? China? Well, yes, they use a lot. But for many ten year periods of record, they were both beaten out by one country.... us. Yep. We have used more vetoes than either of them during many periods... and the vast, lion's share of those vetoes were cast to prevent resolutions condemning Israel. While condemning the Palestinians (and rightly so for the most part) seems to be the order of the day before breakfast, there have been many calls to condemn Israel as well. We shoot them all down and it's not winning us any friends.

You can play the right wing card and call me an "appeaser" if you like, but I'll tell you this. If we pulled our troops our of Iraq right now AND we stated that Israel was on her own, best of luck to both sides, most of our terrorist problems with the Muslims would evaporate overnight. If we just stopped sending weapons, support, etc. to both sides, we'd cure more ills than we would cause.

So what do we do about Israel and the Palestinians? As I see it, we have two options. One is to simply let them fight it out as they seem hell bent on doing anyway. We've armed Israel to the teeth. Their entire country is their army. As I recall, that's why Dr. Ruth was a trained sniper. They are widely acknowledged as being probably the toughest army pound for pound in the world. If you're a big supporter of Israel you should probably support this option because I'm betting they would win. Let them at it! All out war! Last man standing wins and takes the whole kitn'kaboodle.

Too violent of an option for you? Well, I've got another suggestion, then. Just maybe, after decade upon decade of bloodshed and violence, it's time to admit that maybe.... just maybe... we put Israel in the wrong place. Now I understand that the leader of Iran caught a lot of flack recently for saying that Israel should move to Europe, and I agree he was wrong. No... not Europe. But we could move Israel. Where? I'll tell you where.

Kansas.

That's right. Kansas. Kansas may not be the garden spot of the planet, but let's face it. It's one hell of a lot better than living in a desert. There's tons of good farmland, plenty of water, and easy access to many popular tourist destinations. I mean, aside from the occasional spate of twisters (which I hear were very popular in the Old Testament anyway) it's damned near paradise compared to where Israel currently sits.

"But wait, Jazz," I can hear you whining already, "what about the people in Kansas now? There's a lot of Americans there!" Again, a very simple answer. Two words. North Dakota. Yep... we move everyone in Kansas to North Dakota. From everything I've read, both states are packed with neocon nutjobs anyway, and North Dakota is practically empty. The Kansans would hardly know the difference. And we could pay to move them all! Given what we spend every year propping up Israel, I'd be willing to bet that it would wash out as a profit within two years.

And yes, I know, it's not technically "the Holy Land" and Kansas City isn't exactly Jerusalem... yet. That's some rocky country out there. With modern construction techniques, you could have a Temple on the Mount or any other old thing you'd care to have within a couple of years. Hell, we built Disney World in France, for God's sake, even though the ingrates didn't want to go there and ride the rides.

All silliness aside, these elections do nothing but show me that peace in that region is nothing more than a fantasy. And we're much more part of the problem than part of any solution. It's time for us to get the hell out of Israel and Palestine's affairs and let nature take its course, one way or the other.

UPDATE: Holy Cow! Go read this post from American Digest!

Me, I don't get all this "shock, horror, surprise." I'm not surprised for a nanosecond. I mean, really, why wouldn't Hamas win going away? They've got the will to kill and the track record. They've got the guns and the goons, and they've had them for years. They've got Jimmy Carter on deck certifying the latest Fascist election and Stephen Speilberg honoring their feelings and boosting their self-esteem. They are the cocks of the walk in the ratty strips of land bracketing Israel and they've got the money too.

Plus they ran on that winning campaign slogan that they've run on for years: "Let's just kill all the Jews now!"

Over the years, I've had (as we have all had) discussions without number concerning the "problem" of Israel. I'm almost always on the short end of this endless stick since my position is that, at the end of the bloody day, the only thing that will bring peace to the region is the sword.

People hate this kind of thinking because they all have a large investment in "peace" and the use of "dialogue" to achieve it. And there are many, many instances in the world and down through history where this is, indeed, the correct and only route to take.

But Israel vs. the Arabs isn't one of them.

This will only be settled, and can only be settled, by war. There's just too much blood on the ground. The Arab/Israeli conflict isn't a political or geographical or economic or religious "dispute." This is a blood feud, pure and simple and brutal. It will end in simple brutality. The side that can be the most brutal the quickest will win.

Preach it, brother.