Visions of future present

For my Friday posts here at MEJ, I often try to focus on something a bit more fun. That's why, particularly for you readers who don't live in the frozen Northeast, I would like to introduce you to the work of a less well known but very gifted columnist from New York, Dave Rossie. Today's column features "Great Moments in American History, Past, Present and Future."

The ones from "the past" are pretty well known, but Rossie's phrasing puts them in context. Here are a couple of them.

•Sept. 11, 2001. President George W. Bush, after being informed that America is experiencing a terrorist attack, sits for seven minutes in an apparent catatonic state in a Florida kindergarten, before being hauled off by his Secret Service detail.

•June, 2003. President Bush, being interviewed on television while visiting Poland, boasts that American forces in Iraq have found weapons of mass destruction.

Same month. An international inspection team reports that there were no WMD in Iraq.

•May, 2004. Following disclosures of prisoner abuse and torture in American military prisons, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales rules that the Geneva Accords, which frown on such practices are quaint and outdated and it's all right to torture prisoners as long as you don't call it torture and you don't kill them. Except by accident.

•Dec. 17, 2005. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, after careful study, announces that FISA is outdated.

•Dec. 19, 2005. Constitutional law scholars say Bush's flouting of FISA was unconstitutional.

The "future" entries, though, had me vascillating between laughter and fear. They sound funny, but also far too possible. (And by "future" he's only talking about the next six weeks.)

•Dec. 28, 2005. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales rules that the Constitution, being more than 200 years old, is outdated and declares it null and void.

•January 5, 2006. With military enlistments in free fall, newly designated Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld authorizes the creation of press gangs to help fill the ranks.

•January 6, 2006. Cut-and-run congressional Democrats denounce the use of press gangs as un-American.

•January 12, 2006 British Prime Minister Tony Blair, in a show of support for President Bush, flies to Washington and reminds Americans that while British Navy press gangs forcing American seaman to join the Royal Navy may have led to the War of 1812, it could also be seen as a form of Anglo-American solidarity. Following his speech, Blair accepts a Milk Bone biscuit from Bush.

•January 21, 2006. In his State of the Union speech, President Bush announces that he is declaring Iraq an American protectorate and names Vice President Dick Cheney as Viceroy. "It's the least we can do for the Iraqian people," the president says.

•January 22, 2006. Viceroy Cheney, in accepting his new role, says it will give him more time to spend with his family and Antonin Scalia. He also announces plans to dissolve the Iraqi Parliament and replace it with the board of directors of Kellogg, Brown and Root.

•January 26, 2006. Cut-and-run Democrats and turncoat Republicans led by John McCain, file articles of impeachment against President Bush.

•Feb. 2, 2006. Bush dissolves Congress and proclaims himself president for life.

•Feb. 3, 2006. The Wall street Journal, in a lead editorial, calls Bush's action "bold and decisive," and "long overdue."

•Feb. 4, 2006. In a poll conducted by the Fox Network, Bush's approval rating soars to 98 percent.

Read the whole thing. I hope you'll enjoy Rossie as much as I do.