She Shoots! She Scores!

Condi ("I swear I'm not running for president") Rice came out bragging yesterday that we had intercepted "material for nuclear weapons programs" bound for Iran on eleven occasions in the last nine months.

"The trans-shipment of material and equipment bound for ballistic missile programs in countries of concern, including Iran'' was blocked as was the transfer of "equipment used to produce propellant'' to a "ballistic missile program in another region'' of the world, Rice said.

Oh really? What did we intercept this time? More aluminum tubes? And we SWEAR that this time they were going to be used for nuclear centrifuges, not just RPG bodies.

Middle Earth Journal has learned from exclusive, anonymous sources that the following items were also seized, keeping America safe from the despotic plans of the evil Iranians.

• Eleven American Staffordshire Terrier puppies, which could have had suicide belts strapped to them.
• 46 kilos of yellowcake uranium. Oh, wait... that turned out to be lemon flavored C-rations.
• A gun. OH MY GOD.... A GUN!
• 32 billion barrels of crude oil. (We'll just keep that, thank you. It could be used to start a fire.)
• Top secret blueprints for the construction and assembly of a George Foreman grill.
• A vast quantity of a suspicious, powdery substance. (This later turned out to be something called "sand.")
• Two dozen enriched uranium fuel rods. (Later discovered to be equipment for the Iranian Olympic pole vaulting team.)
• A guy named Bob.