Cheney Explained

Medium Lobster over at Fafblog cuts through the mists of uncertainty to explain the real Dick Cheney(s).

Ah, Faisal, you have made an elementary - but understandable - error, one often committed by those just beginning to pierce the veil of mysteries. You have confused the master with the servant. For Dick Cheney is no follower of Cthulhu; rather, he is an avatar of mighty and monstrous Yog-Sothoth, the key and guardian of the gate, the All-in-One of limitless being and self whose vile and indomitable essense stretches beyond the expanse of time and space and can only be perceived by mortals in brief glimpses: a form of The Cheney there, a shape of Yog-Delay there, a brief glimmer of NyarlaHastert there. There is not one Cheney, my friend, but a hundred, a thousand, a million - each a monstrous roiling outstretched tentacle reaching from the blackened abyss of the Outer Gods.

Such beings are beyond what mortals call "good" and "evil," Faisal. Their ways cannot be known - and indeed, must not be known - for the workings of the universe are too terrifying and horrible, its secret energy meetings, doctored deficit projections, and dealings with Iran too maddening for ordinary men. These hard realities we must leave to the hard and foul beings who govern America in the dark - for should Americans look too closely, they could be driven into madness, confusion, and doubt - as was John Edwards last night, when he was "getting his facts wrong." The facts are too terrible a thing for the American voters to witness, Faisal. Best to leave them with the Vice President - and the monstrous nuclear chaos beyond angled space which the Necronomicon has mercifully cloaked under the name of Grover Norquist.